Saturday, June 25, 2011

Getting back on the horse

Or is it the saddle?

Last week I had a sincere mental breakdown at my in-law's house. Sorry, in-laws! On Father's Day of all days! I was a mess. A bitter, angry, runny-nosed, red-faced mess. I claimed I was through with my good-for-nothing (except for the paychecks and life lessons) job. I have to admit I've never been much of a quitter, which has worked for my benefit and detriment.   For many years I dated several good-for-nothing guys and played sports I was only so so at,  because I wanted to stick it out and make it work the best I could. Once I commit to something, I commit. With my job, though, I was definitely willing to break my tradition of sticking it out and run out screaming something not very nice.  I claimed I was going to quit my job. I swore I hated it and would never see another day with a certain family that I have often felt is the bane of my existence. Little did I know that I would. It was hard. I felt weak. I felt like an idiot for going back after I had been thrown under the bus.  I've started realizing, though, that I just need to suck it up. I'm an adult now. I can't expect this to be my dream job.  I'm working with dysfunctional families.  This means that it's going to be hard. I know that I'm not doing this job forever and that brings me comfort.

Why did I have to get into such an emotionally jarring profession?
I should've gone into something more lighthearted such as fashion design or optometry.

Sorry for all of the work stuff.
As you can see I need a vacation.
Thankfully, D and I are going to Texas next week! I am so excited! Even though it's a short vacation, I don't even care. I am so ready to go! Go! Go!!

Today I went to a friend's baby shower. It made me so excited for motherhood. Nevertheless, I am completely terrified. I feel like babies are all around. It seems there's nothing but friends announcing baby news at church and on Facebook. I know it's a while away, but it's something I just can't help but think about.  Do these scared feelings every go away? I'm starting to think I'll never be ready!

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